I was pondering this morning at 5am when I couldn't sleep and decided to get up and take a bath, of things that brought me up and down, things that make me happy and not so much. I thought I'd make a nice little list. I'll start out positive. Maybe I should end on a positive note...okay, I'll do that.
Downs:
Food & Cooking
This would probably be most people's ups, but I really dislike the whole idea of
having to eat. The monotony of buying the food and especially cooking the food, and then stuffing it in my face to keep me alive. There has got to be a better way. Every night I dread making dinner to have it consumed in 5 min and then cleaning it all up. I really just do the minimum to say I did it and fulfilled my responsibility to my family. I do appreciate it when other people cook and love to eat that. Going out to eat is fun, but we only do that once every few months as a special treat. I think I just hate my own food. It's like I was around it so much buying it and preparing it that I'm sick of it by the time I have to eat it.
Scouts:
I know I should be positive about this one, but scouts really brings me down. Maybe it's because I don't have just one kid in scouts, but three and soon to be four. I never see it end and I don't like it. I think the church is stuck in it and can't get out. I feel that way. The young women have a nice program--sweet and relevant, but the boys have all these outings and stuff to get. I don't like the stuff to get part. Must they need patches and advancements and campouts to be fulfilled. The girls don't need that stuff. I think it sends the wrong message that everything needs to be fun, not work. I think we are teaching them the wrong things. And the leaders don't want to be there, and the boys see that. I like the Duty to God program and wish they would just work on that, but they have to do both. I'd like to scrap scouts and just do Duty to God, but Rob is in the scouts so we've got to do that one and Duty to God goes by the wayside because with four boys you can't possibly do both and homework and lessons and whatever else is going on in your family.
Patriotism:
People are probably saying "What!?" at this moment, but I'll explain. I can't stand it when someone throws that word in my face. When I say the Pledge of Allegiance or sing a homeland song I get all choked up and really feel it and remember the good and how our country came together at times, but when people say this is the greatest country in the world, I say you are wrong. We've really gone downhill and I think it's time we faced up to that and make some changes. People are generally good, but as a whole Americans are lazy, fun seeking, gluttonous, prideful, greedy and whiny. Other countries are working together much better than we are. People in other countries have the same concerns and love their families and want to make improvements. People in other countries are not their governments. People in other countries are children of God too. Maybe it's the system of Republicans and Democrats splitting our nation and ending in a stalemate, or pitting each other against one another. Or maybe we are just too proud to work together. Anyway, I'll let you on a secret...I'm a registered Independant. I'd like to see one of the Presidential canidates drop the race and back up the other one and become a really important advisor and all the houses come together. Wouldn't that be historic?
Negativity:
This is one I just cannot get through my families head. They are all so negative and "I can't do this," and "There is no way this is going to work," and "blah, blah, blah...bad, bad, bad."
It's like that Saturday Night Live skit...I say..."Fix It!" It's that simple. If there is a problem, find a solution, don't fall apart. There is always a way. You might have to change a few things, and it won't turn out like you expected it at first, or the same way you are use to, but it'll be alright in the end and you won't die. You might be surprized what you come up with. I always say to the kids..."Are you dying? No? Okay, then it'll be alright." I've got a bunch of Debbie Downers. I've got to "FIX IT!"
Ups (this is better, I promise)
My Head
"Huh?" I love to be inside my own head. It's a wonderland in there and I like to spend time there. If I could choose one place to be, it's in my bed, on the computer, writing. I love to think and reason and play with senarios. I know it's a little psycho, but I like to have conversations with other people in my head too. I give myself testimony meetings in my head, and I have arguments in there too. I always know what to say and it's always profound I think. When I speak in real life, everythingthing gets lost on the way out my mouth. So, many times I don't try to say what I think because it won't come out as brilliant. I think I understand how Autism works a little that same way. You have an idea and it's fabulous as a thought, but because our bodies are limited, it doesn't come out so fabulous. It's like art...you see the person, but you can't paint them as the masterpiece you see in your head.
Lying down:
The bed, the bathtub, the couch. I like to lie down. I prefer a bath over a shower. It makes me happy. Could we have church lying down too? That might be fun. But I think all the men would fall asleep. Sleep is good. Sleep is one of my ups as well. I like to dream and wake up and try to figure out what my dream meant or how I came up with such a bizarre dream.
My body:
I love my thirty something year old body. Is that conceited? In high school I was too scrawny and twiggy and all the girls were getting figures and I stayed like twelve years old and no boys looked at me until I was twenty. Now it's perfect and everything fits great and I don't worry about anything in that department. I don't gain weight and I don't have to exercise, but I know I should. It's nice not to have to worry about that and I can worry about the more important things like how I'm going to help my son with his Algebra that I have no idea how to do.
I need one more thing to balance out this section...hummm...oh, I've got it!
When My kids work really hard at something and they succeed or succeed at something little but has big meaning:
Every mom probably has this one. It's hard to see your child fail and easy to end up blaming yourself and thinking of everything you should have done. That's necessary to go through or else you end up thinking your child is perfect and nobody is perfect. But when they succeed and come up with something magnificent out of their own hard work, that's a real treat. I enjoy to see them struggle. I think more kids need to struggle and have less things handed to them and everything hunky dory. Rob thinks I'm mean when I smile at my child struggling, but I see light at the end of the tunnel. And don't be negative when you struggle! I made the kids watch Pollyanna once. They were captive in the car, so they couldn't leave. I kept pointing out how she taught everyone to be glad even though they were struggling. At the end Nicholas said to me, "That was the best movie." I couldn't believe he understood the true meaning. I think that was a success. Yeah, Pollyanna is the best movie.
I thought of two more ups...
Cleaning:
So I hate to cook, but I love to clean. A clean house gives me so much satisfaction; makes me at peace. I'll clean toilets over cooking.
Talking on the phone:
I like talking on the phone as much or more than in person. When I talk to a person face to face I get distracted by their features or maybe their expressions or maybe their stature, and I try to read everything about them and it's too much information for me to take in. I end up loosing my train of thought or I get nervous and stammer. On the phone, it's just the voice (unless my kids' voices are distracting from the background). All voices are equal on the phone. I'm more confident on the phone. I can also clean and do other things while on the phone. That's a bonus. I like it when someone calls and wants to talk for a long time. I end up cleaning my entire kitchen, or whole floors while I'm talking and all of a sudden--viola! It's clean. That's magic.
I know this is a super long post and most people won't read it. I usually skim the long ones myself, unless they are really juicy. Thanks for listening...or reading.
